Friday, 25 March 2016

Effortless happiness

-selfie to grab attention- 
(yes, I have gotten my braces removed)

Caught myself goofing at work. I haven't visited this page for the longest time but I was reading some of my older posts just a while ago! I remember how blogging was fun. In fact, I am glad that I jotted down some of the most important moments of my life. Being a goldfish myself makes me appreciate the little details even more. 

Life's very different from before. Now that I am in a relationship, I can see myself turning into a much happier person. I can only assume that I am in one with the right one because I have not thought of pulling away when it got deeper. This time, I really feel like staying. I guess a part of me is tired, tired of meaningless dates. Tired of meeting new chaps and getting to know them all over again. When I first met him, I knew it was time for me to settle down.

One more thing I think I like about blogging - I could be as real as I want myself to be, using words to express my feelings at that very moment. I guess there is no need to hold back. If you really feel that way about something or someone at that moment, do not hesitate to say it. Even if shit goes down in the future, it really is okay. All in all, just got to be less afraid of being judged. 

I can't believe I have been living in KL for more than a year now. Til date, it is not a place I would ever call home. Never. Hawrong told me she can't live in a city. I told her, yes me too, certainly not in this fucked up city. Life's not going to be like this without Deric. Without him, how am I going to survive? Seriously, I am being very dependent on him. I don't look forward to working on a LDR at all. Really, it never worked for me. 

Of course, life's also a lot more different after we got Tofu during my last birthday. I love this kitty so much. She's the sweetest in the morning, but the evilest thing at night. I love it when I come home to her. She would be waiting behind the door, wanting us to pet her. After a good few minutes of petting (including a series of intense kisses and hugs), she would jump off and turn her back on us signalling us, "Ciao hoomans, it's enough. I decided I hate it now". 

It's pretty much a love hate relationship with this little one. 

I guess it was true that all I needed is just a cat and a boyfriend. I used to say I enjoy alone time a lot. Perhaps I never truly enjoyed them...because at the end of the day, too much of alone time only does harm to me. I cried and cried, until it's time to get my shit together. Then I'll be okay for a bit, but those moments when I feel shitty about myself never really ceased. 

I haven't thought of being that girl who's overly attached to her boyfriend. The only time we are apart now is going for work. Other than that, we pretty much just do everything together. His friends are now my friends, so we would always hang out as a group as well. It's crazy..because never once I thought I would be able to do this. We would keep each other texted as well, the whole time from 9-6. Every. Single. Day. and strangely all these didn't feel difficult at all...

Throwback to when Tofu was slightly smaller. Obviously, she rejected his kisses here. 

I finally feel that happiness is effortless. I don't have to seek for things to do and plan for outings on purpose only to keep myself occupied. I'm happy that I haven't felt depressed for a long while now. 

I'm thankful, really thankful for all the things/ people surrounding me now. 


  1. nice post Esther.

    "I finally feel that happiness is effortless." - I loved this line in particular. happy for you! :*

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